i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
