New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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