I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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