I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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