I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
