I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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