fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
