I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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