you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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