we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
