There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
