im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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