i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
