She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
