I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
