ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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