I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
