3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize