I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
