i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
