I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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