Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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