It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
