I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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