hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
