is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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