I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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