My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize