So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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