You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize