Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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