I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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