What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
