i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
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something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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