Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
