HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
