she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
