I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
