I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So vagazzling was a success
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
