I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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