I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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