There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
