Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
