C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
