Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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