Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
