dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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