have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
