I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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