Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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