I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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