and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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