I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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