Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
