Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I touched a dick in church today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
