Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed

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(831): View more from California

Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.

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(716): View more from New York

Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.

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