I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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