I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
