i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
