this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
