In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
