I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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