why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
