You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
