The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
