i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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