I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
