I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
