New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
