but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
