He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
