someone owes me an orgasm
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
