had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
