similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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