so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
