I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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