even my farts smell like vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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