He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
